Picture: I consider myself an opponent of the fear and greed that we are now living through. Maybe a grappler of sorts with a great determination to fight for my individual truths. And my sword is my deeply resourced emotional and spiritual values and knowledge.
I have never been one to hold on to things that have happened in my life. What I have done is work on them. Process the feelings around all that transpired and then hopefully find my way through all of what I felt and experienced. These 3 years have left me with a new understanding of the possibility of “never forgetting.” And I am unsure if that is how I want to move forward. However, what I do know is that what has been imbedded in my psyche from this life experience is going to take time to move through me in a healthy and grounded way.
The words and actions of others towards me have left their mark on my being and in my heart. I have a difficult time seeing/viewing people in the same way I use to see them in 2019. It truly is a before 2020 and after scenario that is happening all around us. And I say us because I do not, we do no, live in a vacuum. We are all interconnected.
How do I interact with those that chose fear, coercion, dismissal of self and others and followed directives in the name of liberty, safety and perceived freedom. This is not about shaming, blaming, ridiculing or separation. This is about opening a dialogue into moving forward from here. What about apologies? What about connection and speaking about what has been done in the name of ?? What? In the name of what? I am actually unsure of any of this.
There are still places, workshops, retreat centers that I use to frequent that are requiring only shot people can attend? I think I just lost some words as I wrote that fact. Meaning, I stumbled in this post to look for words to continue. I notice I am watching and choosing my words carefully. Did anyone choose their words carefully when they told me I was not allowed to enter certain places or do certain things? Are they choosing their words carefully now as they still require testing to attend and enter?
I was registered for a weekend workshop in mid-March. I received the welcome letter a few days ago and it required a negative test to attend. This might be a common or normal thing for some of you but for me it is invasive and deliberate act of violence. IMO. I have never taken a “test” nor will I ever take one. I was at a workshop a few weeks ago and no testing was required and the night that it ended the host of the workshop emailed all participants to let them know that a few participants tested positive. SO WHAT was my first internal expression. Do I really think that all of these people dancing and being in close connection for two days were not going to have a myriad of “whatever” normally passed between living breathing individuals. So before 2019 this would have been nothing! It wouldn’t have been a blip on anyone’s screen.
I attended a workshop in December of 2019 where 2 of the people in attendance told everyone at the beginning of the workshop of 40 people that they just came back from a vacation and they had a cold and thought they might have a fever. Everyone thanked them and we settled into the weekend workshop where they proceeded to cough and sneeze and sweat and interact with whomever was available to be in connection with them. And I recall it was most of the workshop participants because it was NO BIG DEAL! Are you getting the gist of this writing. What changed? OH are you going to say the C00F! Please! get a grip! What changed is your fear and the narrative that the disease that has plagued us for 3 years is the deadliest disease ever. WELL it’s NOT!
So here I am 3 years later not going to a weekend workshop that I was very much looking forward to because of a test that does nothing but limit peoples ability to live in a free culture and interact the way we as humans are meant to.
And of course some of you might be thinking, just take the damn test. What’s the big deal? It’s only a test? Or “is she playing victim”? Or whatever other judgement and projection might be passing through you right now. Go on… be honest with yourself. Let’s have a laugh together at the absurdity of all of this. I am really OK with your thoughts and possible criticism of my choice. And the operative statement here is “MY CHOICE!”
You see this is the difference in this experience. I am clearly choosing my life path. I am not being persuaded that it’s only a simple test and then I could go. NO fucking way will I ever do that to myself. I could give you a myriad of examples during my life where I did submit to things that I deeply knew were not in my best interest but I did them anyway because “it was the right thing to do!” Well those things were years ago and many lived experiences later, here I am in 2023 saying Never will I ever subject myself to being forced into something that I deeply know is not right for me. And a “simple test” for a disease that is similar to a cold or flu will never get me to give up my internal knowing and autonomy to a system of greed and fear.
Just another something to think about. This is a time in our collective history where you will have to decide what path YOU will choose. And how YOU will move forward in YOUR life.
